FLASH! Rumors Circulating That Kim Jong Un Assassinated!

Chinese micro-blogging service Weibo claims that new North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un and a bodyguard were assassinated today at the North Korean embassy in Beijing.

Although the rumor is almost certainly false, we wanted to offer some hopefully good news to offset the other depressing stories today.

_____________________________________________ 

Saudi Faces Death Threats After Prophet Tweets

23-year-old Saudi Hamza Kashgari is facing death threats from Muslim religious authorities because he tweeted about the Prophet Muhammad: “I have loved things about you and I have hated things about you and there is a lot I don’t understand about you. I will not pray for you.” 

How dare this guy disrespect a demented homicidal antichrist pedophile!

Off with his head!

_____________________________________________ 

Homeland Security Monitoring Web For Anti-Government Sentiment

You never know when an angry conservative might say something disrespectful online about the messiah Barry, right Janet?  

Off with their heads!