Talk about mixed messages. The president who just unilaterally declared that 800,000 illegal (and mostly Latino) immigrants can be trusted with the rights and privileges of citizenship has also declared that Latinos can’t be trusted with forks…at least, not if they’re in the same room as His Holiness, Barack Obama.

Actually, it seems holes are what Obama doesn’t want…which is why 1000 delegates at the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials were forced to turn over their knives and forks at a luncheon before Barack Obama was willing to appear at the speaker’s platform.

And nervous president Barney Fife wasn’t exactly appearing in a dangerous Barrio warzone when he had his agents do the fork sweep – he was in the freaking ballroom of the Contemporary Resort at Walt Disney World.

Pansy ass.

Of course, the Latinos present weren’t offended because cutlery is always removed from a room in which Obama speaks and…wait. Hang on. What’s that..?

Oh, we need to offer a correction. It turns out there are tons of dinners and fundraising events where the crowd is considered trustworthy enough to keep their forks. Assuming they’re Hollywood celebrities or, you know, not Latinos.

But once all of those dangerous forks, stamped with little Mickey Mouse faces, had been collected – Barack Obama took to the stage and promised the señors and señoritas present that if they donate generously and vote for him in November, America’s “salad days” will return.

Of course, Latinos will have to eat that salad with their fingers.