Okay, right off the bat we want to make something clear: Barack Obama has not imposed a tax penalty on farmers whose cornfields are withering and dying from an historic drought.

And our question is: why not?

After all, to help people who had no health insurance, the president passed a law which hits them with a tax penalty until they magically get insurance – so why not use this same logic to bring rain?

And now that we think of it, America’s dry, blighted, unproductive cornfields (which will soon be causing a spike in the price of food) are also an awfully good metaphor for America’s private business sector in general. You know, the private sector that Obama says is “doing fine.”

Manufacturing declined again this month, consumer confidence is down, and joblessness “unexpectedly” shot higher last week. So what is Obama’s plan (enthusiastically supported by his party) to finally make things grow again? Raise taxes on small business! Brilliant!

Oh sure, there are those skeptics who say that raising taxes during recessionary times would really just “take more demand out of the economy and put businesses in a further hole,” but what do those morons know? And…wait. What’s that? Oh. It turns out that it was Barack Obama who uttered those words in 2009.

But since that time, he’s learned a LOT about helping things grow.

Especially during times of an historic drought of honesty and leadership.

Maybe it was stolen by the people whose jobs were created or saved.