1. If you refine heroin for a living,
but you have a moral objection to liquor,
You may be a Muslim.

2. If you own a $5,000 machine gun and an $8,000 rocket launcher,
but you can’t afford shoes,
You may be a Muslim. 

3. If you have more wives than teeth,
You may be a Muslim.

4. If you wipe your bum with your bare hand 
but consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.

5. If you think vests come in two styles:
Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6. If you can’t think of anyone
you haven’t declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.

7. If you consider television dangerous 
but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.